1. 

One of the most important things you can teach your children is to recognize what they are feeling and to express their feelings in words. Help your children grow by teaching the many words for different emotions, and using examples when those feelings arise in themselves and others.

People’s actions can be “bad” but the feelings themselves are never “bad”. One reason children get stuck and don’t want to talk about feelings, even if you ask them to, is because they can confuse how they feel as being “bad” or “a problem” when it is actually the tough thing that happened that is the problem. Feelings are like important road signs, if we understand them and listen to them. They can teach us where to go next and what to look for.

Many children shut down when they are upset because they think all feelings except for happy ones are negative and shameful. When you teach your kids the language for many different feelings and invite them to explore and share them, it makes difficult feelings normal and healthy. The result is the development of emotional smarts and social skills. They can deal with what they are feeling, and have stronger friendships too. This also helps them have better self-esteem.
Even anger can be helpful when kids learn how to cope with it. The emotion of anger brings awareness that something is hurtful. When we recognize that we are hurt, our problem-solving skills can improve.

2. 

Pause and really listen to your child before offering advice or getting angry. This helps your child trust you and listen more openly to the advice you decide to give. When children are upset, be careful to understand their point of view and validate that they feel that way whether or not you agree. Children, along with adults, can better accept a different view of a situation once their emotions have been accepted and understood. Hearing the child’s viewpoint can reduce their defensive reaction. This doesn’t mean there is no consequence for breaking rules, but it means they can express what happened, or what their thought process was, so they can grow. Children who grow up with their feelings not accepted will struggle in the future.

3. 

Children often show us they are having a problem through their behaviour rather than words. If your child is acting out and getting into trouble often, it is a clue that something needs to be problem-solved or that they need emotional support to cope and move forward. This is a reason why the language of feelings is so important. It isn’t healthy if your child can’t tell you what is going on. When kids are acting out, there are reasons and many things can be done to help. Don’t be afraid to ask for help even if the difficulty doesn’t seem extremely serious. All children need guidance about emotions and relationships. If you ask for help or learn more about emotions and relationships yourself, you and your children will benefit.

4. 

All children need help to learn about their emotions and relationships. It is our job as adults to teach them these skills. Every child is different so we need to figure out what reaches each child individually. Look to what they truly enjoy to help them express themselves. Play, games, sports, art, writing, dance, horticulture, photography, music, and acting or role playing situations are great ways of helping kids learn to cope with difficult feelings and relationships. Creativity is a natural human way to learn and express ourselves. If your child has learned that feelings should be avoided, creativity can open them to emotions.

5. 

Teach your child that every person will experience times of strength and times of struggle. There is no shame in struggling. Often children are taught to focus way too much on the struggles they are having and get “stuck”, thinking they aren’t good enough. We need to help children balance the amount of time they focus on what is hard for them to learn and what their natural skills and passions are. Helping them build on what they naturally love is the secret to helping them grow self-esteem.

Counselling, social skill groups, life coaching and leisure activities are great ways of helping kids build skills they will need to be the best they can be. Taking your children to counselling, for example, to learn new coping skills in an area difficult for them, can be a big help to their growth and development. It does not mean that something is wrong with them. In fact, it makes them healthier, stronger and more confident people.

6. 

Negative thinking about the self is a huge problem for many North American people of all ages. This thinking often starts in childhood. Children are getting constant messages that they may not be good enough. Many children get “stuck” in thinking this way from hearing negative messages about themselves and then repeating them over and over in their thoughts. Repetitive negative thinking about the self, others and the world can lead to future mental health struggles.

Notice your child’s language and comments about him or herself and others. If your child says negative things repeatedly, it is a problem. It usually means they aren’t feeling good about themselves and need support to problem-solve and change that type of thinking. When kids practice negative self-talk, it leads to lower self esteem and can contribute to low mood and worry. It can leave them more vulnerable to being bullied as well. Bullying is dangerous to self esteem especially if children already believe they are not good enough. Look out for your child’s inner bully. Negative thinking is dangerous to mental health because it builds on itself. It becomes automatic to think painful and self damaging thoughts, much like learning an instrument or a sport, but with a negative result rather than a positive one.

Our brains are designed to change when we repeat thoughts and actions over and over. For example, picture yourself and your child skiing or tobogganing. If you go over the same path again and again it will soon get very slippery and grooved in. It becomes faster and faster for the two of you to slide down that path. Our brains work in a similar way. If you and your child are rehearsing painful or mean thoughts, you may have become very good at something that hurts you. To change negative thinking patterns, the person must start a different and positive path and practice that instead. Once people get used to a new positive path, they follow it automatically and they start to feel happier.

7. 

Many adults grew up being shut down and ashamed of their feelings. They tried to ignore them in order to get through tough times. We pass this on to kids unintentionally. Children are like mirrors that reflect back what they see in their environments. Teach your kids to grow emotionally by showing them you aren’t afraid to express feelings and to cope in a positive way. Don’t shame your children for having tough feelings or being upset. If you don’t know how, ask for help. There is nothing wrong with needing help. If your children need help, you want them to be able to ask for it, so it is important that you show them you are able to ask for help as well.

If you lose your temper, first apologize; next, show your kids how to grow by making emotionally healthy choices yourself. Teach them by example to take responsibility for their actions. Show them it is normal to make a mistake. It isn’t your fault if you didn’t learn these skills in your childhood. It is likely that your parents weren’t aware of how to cope with their difficult emotions in a healthy way either. Fear of feeling gets passed through generations. You can make a change for the better if you aren’t afraid to challenge yourself and learn new ways to connect with your child.

Reference: Lynne Steffy from Carizon

For better or worse, every adult lived through their childhood. More often than not, the quality of one's childhood impacts one's adult life in terms of relationships, mental health, and how one sees the world. Each parent is responsible for doing right by their children by providing them with opportunities and otherwise setting them up for success. While good parenting, stable environments, and positive exposure can help a child to be happy and successful later in life, bad parenting, dangerous environments, and negative exposure can cause serious problems in adulthood.

There are many ways to inflict childhood trauma, but it's generally caused by physical/sexual abuse, neglect, or other forms of mistreatment. Trauma can be inflicted by parents, siblings, or individuals in positions of power and authority, and it can leave physiological, psychological, and emotional scars long after the abuse has subsided.

Depending on the longevity and the extent of the trauma, some people can overcome it, living successful and fulfilling lives. This article will cover common effects of childhood trauma, as well as coping tool to move forward to a healthy, adult life.

According to Psychology Today, one of the most devastating impacts of childhood trauma is the effect it has on self-image. Adults who experienced significant trauma as children are more likely to develop a pattern of victimhood thinking. As the name suggests, this state of mind is the belief that one is a victim. Adopting this ideology is incredibly dangerous, as the way people perceive themselves impacts their words, choices, careers, opportunities, and relationships. Individuals who genuinely think the world is out to get them will inevitably attract situations and people who reinforce these beliefs, regardless of how incorrect they may be.

Victimhood thinking is not the only way childhood trauma changes adult behavior. People who were mistreated as children may also become passive and subservient. This usually manifests as the inability to self-express or self-defend and the tendency to bottle up emotions. While some people view passivity as being agreeable or being a team player, burying feelings beneath the surface and not speaking up can have devastating impacts. Moreover, subservience often attracts parasitic individuals who exploit and take advantage of others.

While passivity and subservience are dangerous for everyone, these traits are particularly hazardous for women. If they adopt the behaviors above, women who struggle with unresolved childhood trauma are likely to attract abusive partners or spouses. Abusive relationships, domestic violence, and toxic significant others are nothing to joke about. People have died because they couldn't avoid or escape these dangers.

Like self-image, adult relationships are frequently another casualty of childhood trauma. Psychology Today affirms that people who experienced considerable trauma during childhood tend to attract toxic relationships or even avoid relationships altogether.

This is why people with high self-esteem, confidence, and positive self-image tend to attract beneficial relationships and opportunities. Likewise, someone who lacks these traits generally attracts negative and parasitic people as well as the circumstances that follow.

Left unchecked and unresolved, childhood trauma impacts both personal beliefs and personal relationships. Someone who was abused, neglected, or mistreated as a child may genuinely view themselves as undeserving of loving, supportive, and healthy relationships. Moreover, they may view themselves as unworthy of accomplishments, thus leading to a lack of drive and ambition. In other words, childhood trauma survivors can feel alone, unlovable, and directionless in adulthood.

According to reports from Psychological Science, adults who were exposed to childhood trauma are considerably more vulnerable to depression. Unfortunately, depression is not always taken seriously, but it's a very real mental health issue with a litany of troubling symptoms. Contrary to certain misconceptions, individuals who suffer from depression cannot simply "get over it" or "snap out of it." Ordering a depressed person to do these things can cause more harm than good.

The Mayo Clinic provides insight into the effects of clinical depression. This adverse state of mind affects the way that afflicted individuals view themselves, others, and the world around them. Depression also has the power to engender emotional and even physical problems.

Here are some of the most common symptoms and indicators of depression:

• Insomnia
• Drained energy
• Hopelessness
• Ongoing sadness
• Anxiety
• Lack of appetite
• Poor concentration
• Suicidal thoughts/actions

In most cases, individuals with the abovementioned symptoms tend to isolate themselves while neglecting self-care, slacking off work, and alienating others. Attempts to connect with a depressed person may fail, which can be frustrating and hurtful to friends and relatives who genuinely want the best for the individual in question.

Reading about the effects of childhood trauma can be quite unnerving. However, people who have experienced difficulties as children should not become discouraged or lose hope. No matter what happened in the past, the sun always rises again. There is always room for self-improvement, growth, and recovery. Individuals who went through tough times as children can have positive self-images and healthy relationships while living happy, successful lives.

Although self-care may seem somewhat trivial when you're overcoming childhood trauma, it matters more than you might think. Jordan Grey Consulting explains that individuals who survived traumatic childhoods may subconsciously view themselves as unworthy of healthy habits and lifestyle choices. Therefore, they are more likely to neglect their body, eating habits, etc. This creates a vicious cycle of low self-esteem and eventual self-loathing.

Thankfully, the cycle can be broken with healthy habits, such as exercise, a good night's sleep, and healthy eating. Another important form of self-care involves considering the quality of one's friends, romantic partners, and other relationships. The people around us impact our perceptions, choices, and worldviews. This is why ending unhealthy relationships and cutting off toxic individuals is paramount, especially for people who are working to heal wounds from childhood trauma.

One of the most effective ways to overcome negative memories is by creating positive ones. Pursuing hobbies and extracurricular interests not only allows adults to evolve as individuals, but they also help adults to find a sense of purpose and something to look forward to. It's important for survivors of childhood trauma to know that their past experiences do not have to define the rest of their lives. Everyone has the power to control their fate and quality of life.

In many cases, counselors and therapists can serve as the greatest allies for adults who have undergone childhood trauma. This is largely because trained mental health professionals are equipped to help people work through and heal these difficult issues. However, even with professional help and guidance, you won't overcome childhood trauma overnight. It's going to take time, dedication, and commitment. Moreover, overcoming childhood trauma may require revisiting unpleasant memories. The road to recovery will vary depending on the person, and it can be hard, but it will ultimately be worth it.

Here at BetterHelp, our specialists understand that life presents unique challenges to everyone. No matter who you are or what you've been through, your past does not define you, nor does it have to determine the rest of your life. We can support you in moving past it. Only you can decide to seek professional help. BetterHelp is a convenient option for online therapy should you want support on your healing journey. Below are some counselor reviews, from people experiencing similar issues.

Your past does not necessarily dictate your future. As children, we're often restricted by the rules and limitations set by our parents and other authority figures. As an adult, you have the freedom to set your own path toward a future built by your own personal goals, morals, and ambition. Stay focused on what's ahead, as the past is and always will be a memory.

It's not uncommon to try and make sense of the trauma inflicted throughout your childhood. However, you shouldn't waste too much time or effort on this. There is absolutely nothing that can justify child abuse, so don't strain yourself trying to rationalize it. Instead, try and see it for what it is--a dark chapter in your life that is and was completely out of your control.

Now that you're an adult, you're capable of recognizing toxic and abusive behavior, so you can use your past as a learning experience; you know what not to do with your children. You don't have to follow in the footsteps of those who raised you, nor should you. As weird as it may sound, you can put your dark experience to good use by vowing never to inflict the trauma you endured on others.

Childhood trauma can negatively impact the rest of your life, but it doesn't have to be that way. You can heal. As an adult, you now hold the power to change your life. Take the first step.

References: Mason Komay and Avia James

Reference: https://centerforparentingeducation.org/