• While it’s true that family is forever, it is important that the family is healthy. Your family will be healthy if you give it time. Family time is an essential factor that helps to create strong bonds, love, connections, and relationship among the family members. Spending quality time with family does help in coping with challenges, instil a feeling of security, inculcate family values, fill kids with confidence, and much more. 

Do you ever wonder why family time is important?

Yes, time is so important – in fact, time is money, as we’re often reminded when we set out to seek our livelihood as parents.

But family time? Is this meaningful or serve any purpose? Isn’t it just a waste of time because you could probably earn a few grand more putting that time to work!

I know you do not actually think like that and I’ve exaggerated it a bit.

Maybe you do plan to spend time with your family but things do not always go as per the plans. But you do it all for the family – to earn and provide for the family.

You give money and things to your family. But what does your family need the most?

Your time.

For your kids, your time spent with them is life precious jewels that embed in their memories forever.

The concept of “family” has changed a great deal in recent times, and there are now various forms of families and different styles of parenting. However, one thing remains certain; whatever the term “family” may mean to you, it is of utmost importance in your child’s life.

The family where your child grows up has a big influence on how he or she deals with relationships, copes with situations, and learns about living life. It’s only possible if you proactively be a part of the family.

And for that to happen, you need to block out family time in your schedule.

Family time is also important because if children don’t get the required attention, they might do something that could get them in trouble.

Some stay-at-home parents or moms may think that they are somehow “better” than other parents or moms, who stay away from home for most of the time. This is a misconception.

We often think that it’s all about quantity when it comes to the time we spend with our kids, whereas it is the quality time that we need to give our family and children. Your kids care less about the hours you spend with them than how you spend your time with them.

As your children get older and become teenagers, it becomes tougher to spend family time with them. It’s mainly because life keeps you busy and your children reach a stage where their friends are the main priority.

As a parent, you have to be willing to go down to their level and enter their world. Sometimes you have to be creative or let them decide what they want to do as a family. But never give up on spending family time with your teens, and they may appreciate it more than what they express.

According to studies, healthy families make family time for talking and listening, accepting differences, showing affection and encouragement, sharing chores and decision making, keeping in touch, and making time for each other.

For those who still doubt the importance of family time, mentioned below are a few points to put things in better perspective. Here are 10 reasons why family time is important:

The main reason why family time is important is because you need to develop ties and bond with your family. Often kids decide to join gangs or groups because they welcome them in, to become a part of their family.

Your kids need a sense of belonging and security, as they need to feel they have someone they can turn and look up to, for anything. Spending family time together ensures that a deep, strong, family bond develops.

Another good reason of spending time with family directly relates to the need to share, talk, and listen to each other as a family.

Parents often think that it would be tough to talk to their children, who think differently from grown-ups. However, parents tend to forget their own time, as how it was for them when they were young! The people you liked were mostly those who listened to what you had to say, similarly, you need to listen to what your children have to say. Listening doesn’t mean only hearing the words your child is saying, but also feeling what your child is trying to convey.

You need to listen without jumping in with answers, criticizing, or giving your own viewpoints. You need to show that you are involved in the conversation, by stopping all other work you are doing, and just listen to them. Talk directly to your kids, especially teenagers, about alcohol and drugs, and set a good example yourself.

If you do not teach children at home, they will learn it elsewhere. As a parent, would you want your children to learn life’s important lessons by undergoing pain, or going the wrong way?

Although children have to learn a few things on their own, it’s important to have family time for discussions, where you can put forth problems or situations in front of them, and then talk about them with your children, seek their opinion, and discuss on the matter. This would help them understand the situations of life in a better way.

 Family time is important so that everyone in the family has a way of showing affection to each other, maybe by giving hugs, holding hands, being thoughtful and kind. According to studies, teenagers who remember being praised, hugged, or kissed are likely to do better at school than those who don’t have this experience.

You need to take out that quality family time to ask what each family member has done in the day, and show interest in each other’s lives. People find it very easy to criticize than praise. So make an effort to think about the positive in each person and tell your child what goodness you have noticed, besides teaching them these values.

Instilling family values in children is of great significance nowadays, so that they are not misled by the number of divorces on the rise.

Children mostly imitate the behavior you show towards them. If you are an absent parent, they will be the same to their children in the future. Instead, they often portray worse behaviors than they see.

Thus, spending family time together will build a sense of worth and instill positive family values in your children.

Daily rituals or the little things that you do daily and on special occasions, helps to build a sense of belonging, contentedness, and inner security within the family. Daily rituals like the way you greet each other, or say goodbye, what you do at mealtimes or bedtimes, can all be something to share within your family time.

Families benefit from coming together to celebrate occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, or festivals like Christmas, etc., where they learn the traditions about what happens at these times.

Family time is essential to appreciate, encourage, and value the differences in each family member, knowing that everyone is special in their own way. Allow each family member to be excited about their personal interests, and show respect and tolerance towards them.

Don’t pressurize your family members to be like you, or hide their feelings and differences. Instead, let them feel proud to be themselves.

 As we live in a society, we do need to spend time among our family as well as interact with friends and relatives. Knowing that there are people outside the family to turn to in a crisis can make a difference to your child’s happiness. It also increases the chances of them making good friends later in life.

Family time is important to teach younger children, by giving them chance to do things for themselves, under your supervision. Use adult power wisely, and keep control through humor and encouragement, not with punishments or threats.

By spending time with family together, a very special relationship of trust and intimacy develops that helps build a healthy family. Especially when children have a real say in what happens and where everyone feels their views are heard.

One of the most overlooked aspects of education today is parental involvement. Many parents don’t realize the importance of family time and how important it is to involve themselves in their children’s learning.

All parents and family members need to find time and make the effort. Research shows that when parents involve themselves in the family, their children:

• Get superior grades and test scores.
• Graduate from high school at higher rates.
• Are most likely to go on to higher education.
• Have more positive attitudes and behave better.

Spending time with family can be like reading a bedtime story to your kids, checking their homework, getting involved in PTA, discussing your child’s progress with teachers, or anything related also to their academic progress. Or it can be as simple as asking your children, how was their day at school, but ask every day.

So, the importance of family and why you should spend quality time with family doesn’t remain a question anymore. Now you know it helps create a sense of belonging, where you can share ideas, values, and beliefs.

You need to find some ways to spend time together as a family group, and make fun times together. For example, you could share meals together without the distraction of television or cell phones, share information, and learn about what is happening in each other lives. You could play cards, games or sports, take holidays together, go camping, watch movies, or share hobbies.

You will build a stronger family unit by spending more time together, and your family will stick together through rough times, besides enjoying the fun times together.

Show loyalty to your family, stick up for each other so that each person feels confident in the family’s support and pull together to form a united front to find solutions.

Children grow up and are gone before you realize it, so don’t waste the time you have now, and spend it with your family. Remember, that strong families are able to withstand setbacks and crisis with a positive attitude, shared values, and beliefs that help them cope with challenges.

Reference: Harleena Singh from Aha-now

For better or worse, every adult lived through their childhood. More often than not, the quality of one's childhood impacts one's adult life in terms of relationships, mental health, and how one sees the world. Each parent is responsible for doing right by their children by providing them with opportunities and otherwise setting them up for success. While good parenting, stable environments, and positive exposure can help a child to be happy and successful later in life, bad parenting, dangerous environments, and negative exposure can cause serious problems in adulthood.

There are many ways to inflict childhood trauma, but it's generally caused by physical/sexual abuse, neglect, or other forms of mistreatment. Trauma can be inflicted by parents, siblings, or individuals in positions of power and authority, and it can leave physiological, psychological, and emotional scars long after the abuse has subsided.

Depending on the longevity and the extent of the trauma, some people can overcome it, living successful and fulfilling lives. This article will cover common effects of childhood trauma, as well as coping tool to move forward to a healthy, adult life.

According to Psychology Today, one of the most devastating impacts of childhood trauma is the effect it has on self-image. Adults who experienced significant trauma as children are more likely to develop a pattern of victimhood thinking. As the name suggests, this state of mind is the belief that one is a victim. Adopting this ideology is incredibly dangerous, as the way people perceive themselves impacts their words, choices, careers, opportunities, and relationships. Individuals who genuinely think the world is out to get them will inevitably attract situations and people who reinforce these beliefs, regardless of how incorrect they may be.

Victimhood thinking is not the only way childhood trauma changes adult behavior. People who were mistreated as children may also become passive and subservient. This usually manifests as the inability to self-express or self-defend and the tendency to bottle up emotions. While some people view passivity as being agreeable or being a team player, burying feelings beneath the surface and not speaking up can have devastating impacts. Moreover, subservience often attracts parasitic individuals who exploit and take advantage of others.

While passivity and subservience are dangerous for everyone, these traits are particularly hazardous for women. If they adopt the behaviors above, women who struggle with unresolved childhood trauma are likely to attract abusive partners or spouses. Abusive relationships, domestic violence, and toxic significant others are nothing to joke about. People have died because they couldn't avoid or escape these dangers.

Like self-image, adult relationships are frequently another casualty of childhood trauma. Psychology Today affirms that people who experienced considerable trauma during childhood tend to attract toxic relationships or even avoid relationships altogether.

This is why people with high self-esteem, confidence, and positive self-image tend to attract beneficial relationships and opportunities. Likewise, someone who lacks these traits generally attracts negative and parasitic people as well as the circumstances that follow.

Left unchecked and unresolved, childhood trauma impacts both personal beliefs and personal relationships. Someone who was abused, neglected, or mistreated as a child may genuinely view themselves as undeserving of loving, supportive, and healthy relationships. Moreover, they may view themselves as unworthy of accomplishments, thus leading to a lack of drive and ambition. In other words, childhood trauma survivors can feel alone, unlovable, and directionless in adulthood.

According to reports from Psychological Science, adults who were exposed to childhood trauma are considerably more vulnerable to depression. Unfortunately, depression is not always taken seriously, but it's a very real mental health issue with a litany of troubling symptoms. Contrary to certain misconceptions, individuals who suffer from depression cannot simply "get over it" or "snap out of it." Ordering a depressed person to do these things can cause more harm than good.

The Mayo Clinic provides insight into the effects of clinical depression. This adverse state of mind affects the way that afflicted individuals view themselves, others, and the world around them. Depression also has the power to engender emotional and even physical problems.

Here are some of the most common symptoms and indicators of depression:

• Insomnia
• Drained energy
• Hopelessness
• Ongoing sadness
• Anxiety
• Lack of appetite
• Poor concentration
• Suicidal thoughts/actions

In most cases, individuals with the abovementioned symptoms tend to isolate themselves while neglecting self-care, slacking off work, and alienating others. Attempts to connect with a depressed person may fail, which can be frustrating and hurtful to friends and relatives who genuinely want the best for the individual in question.

Reading about the effects of childhood trauma can be quite unnerving. However, people who have experienced difficulties as children should not become discouraged or lose hope. No matter what happened in the past, the sun always rises again. There is always room for self-improvement, growth, and recovery. Individuals who went through tough times as children can have positive self-images and healthy relationships while living happy, successful lives.

Although self-care may seem somewhat trivial when you're overcoming childhood trauma, it matters more than you might think. Jordan Grey Consulting explains that individuals who survived traumatic childhoods may subconsciously view themselves as unworthy of healthy habits and lifestyle choices. Therefore, they are more likely to neglect their body, eating habits, etc. This creates a vicious cycle of low self-esteem and eventual self-loathing.

Thankfully, the cycle can be broken with healthy habits, such as exercise, a good night's sleep, and healthy eating. Another important form of self-care involves considering the quality of one's friends, romantic partners, and other relationships. The people around us impact our perceptions, choices, and worldviews. This is why ending unhealthy relationships and cutting off toxic individuals is paramount, especially for people who are working to heal wounds from childhood trauma.

One of the most effective ways to overcome negative memories is by creating positive ones. Pursuing hobbies and extracurricular interests not only allows adults to evolve as individuals, but they also help adults to find a sense of purpose and something to look forward to. It's important for survivors of childhood trauma to know that their past experiences do not have to define the rest of their lives. Everyone has the power to control their fate and quality of life.

In many cases, counselors and therapists can serve as the greatest allies for adults who have undergone childhood trauma. This is largely because trained mental health professionals are equipped to help people work through and heal these difficult issues. However, even with professional help and guidance, you won't overcome childhood trauma overnight. It's going to take time, dedication, and commitment. Moreover, overcoming childhood trauma may require revisiting unpleasant memories. The road to recovery will vary depending on the person, and it can be hard, but it will ultimately be worth it.

Here at BetterHelp, our specialists understand that life presents unique challenges to everyone. No matter who you are or what you've been through, your past does not define you, nor does it have to determine the rest of your life. We can support you in moving past it. Only you can decide to seek professional help. BetterHelp is a convenient option for online therapy should you want support on your healing journey. Below are some counselor reviews, from people experiencing similar issues.

Your past does not necessarily dictate your future. As children, we're often restricted by the rules and limitations set by our parents and other authority figures. As an adult, you have the freedom to set your own path toward a future built by your own personal goals, morals, and ambition. Stay focused on what's ahead, as the past is and always will be a memory.

It's not uncommon to try and make sense of the trauma inflicted throughout your childhood. However, you shouldn't waste too much time or effort on this. There is absolutely nothing that can justify child abuse, so don't strain yourself trying to rationalize it. Instead, try and see it for what it is--a dark chapter in your life that is and was completely out of your control.

Now that you're an adult, you're capable of recognizing toxic and abusive behavior, so you can use your past as a learning experience; you know what not to do with your children. You don't have to follow in the footsteps of those who raised you, nor should you. As weird as it may sound, you can put your dark experience to good use by vowing never to inflict the trauma you endured on others.

Childhood trauma can negatively impact the rest of your life, but it doesn't have to be that way. You can heal. As an adult, you now hold the power to change your life. Take the first step.

References: Mason Komay and Avia James

A planner by nature, I anticipated my babies’ arrivals by reading all the books, making all the lists, doing all the research, and generally convincing myself I had made a terrible mistake. Thankfully, both of my children survived their earliest years without much trouble, and I relaxed a little. However, just when it seemed like we were finally figuring things out, they started school.

At first, the great challenges of school included trusting the classroom educators, acclimating to a different routine, and remembering where to find things such as the online school calendar. But as the kids moved from their rural Maine Montessori years (from ages 3 to 5) to the Chicago Public Schools, things changed.

A lot.

Of course, the kids met our new challenges with resilience and grace, quickly falling into a new normal. I, on the other hand, have had a bumpier go of things.

You see, as an introvert, the scariest part of parenthood for me is socializing with other parents. Little by little, I’m figuring out ways to manage my discomfort, but I’m discovering there’s no quick or fast solution. Here are some of the challenges I’ve faced as an introverted parent, and what I’ve learned.

I am the kind of introverted working mother who can fake social ease just enough to keep the red flags lowered — as long as the socializing comes in short bursts, in small, familiar groups (one-on-one is ideal), and it’s extra helpful if I have a defined purpose for being there (i.e., if it’s my job). Alternatively, opened-ended and undefined social situations are, for me, the equivalent of the boogie man.

My kids are now six and seven. They are sweet, social people who enjoy playdates and group activities. They long to be in the mix of their school and neighborhood communities — after-school events, potlucks, and street parties. So I say yes to some things, and we keep showing up. We show up, the kids find their people and take off with their little wolf packs. I linger at the edge of the activity, not totally unlike a lone sock hanging limply from a clothesline.

Recently in therapy, I described my social-anxiety-while-among-other-parents as a middle school regression. It’s especially prevalent with other mothers. If faced with a large group of mothers who are catching up with each other in chatty clusters of designer leggings, sporty vests, and baseball caps, I immediately feel like I am 12 years old, standing at the front of the middle school cafeteria, feeling very Asian (which I am), wearing the wrong clothes, and wondering where to sit. To be honest, I skipped lunch for most of the middle school and high school and instead read peacefully in the library.

But it’s no longer just about me.

Before I continue, I have a few disclaimers. I always have disclaimers.

• I’m sure the other mothers/parents are fine. My own social obstacles are not a judgement on them.
• I am not looking for sympathy. This is simply how I am, and devising strategies for navigating this is my own inside job.
• I could avoid these situations, but my own introverted personality shouldn’t prevent my kids from participating in their communities.
• It’s important for my kids to see me doing things that I find hard and uncomfortable.

When I spoke to my therapist about this particular issue, she reminded me that many people struggle to find their place among other parents. On one hand, this is a good reminder that we all have our challenges — introverted or not — but dealing with it sometimes calls for very different game plans depending on the individual.

The other day, I read this article in The New York Times called “Making Friends With Other Parents Is Like Dating.” While I found it interesting, the tips didn’t resonate as much as I had hoped because I’m not trying to find my next BFF. The article touches upon the awkwardness and uncertainty among peer parents, but it encourages friend-making. I do enjoy my friends and occasionally developing new friendships, but my main goal is to feel at peace when required to share space with other parents.

It’s not easy being an introverted parent, but learning to look at things a little differently has helped me when I’ve found myself volunteering in my kids’ classrooms, at a mother-son dance, or at a school potluck. If you’re an introverted parent, I hope these three things help you, too:

This is easier than it sounds because unfortunately, I do care what people think of me. I’m not sure why this is, but whatever the reason, the best way forward, as author Anne Lamott reminds us, is bird by bird. And as Glennon Doyle reminds us, we just have to do the next hard thing.

So if my strongest instinct is to bring a book and read quietly while the kids are playing, I should read my book. Yes, it makes me fairly unapproachable and perhaps, to some, a little rude. But if I’m not causing harm, if I’m keeping an eye on my kids, and I don’t feel like practicing the small talk, then really, I should be able to read my book.

I am the mom who prefers to be with the kids. The kid space feels down-to-earth, authentic, and comfortable. I find myself, at times, in the center of a kid circle. My kids will come to tell me something, their friends will follow, and the next thing I know, we are in a discussion about their game, their classroom, or a funny joke someone just learned. Perhaps I am not intimidated by elementary school kids because they are usually the only ones who are shorter than I am. But it’s probably because they are the most fun.

As introverts, our minds are always going, imagining what might be coming up next. So this point is possibly the hardest one for me. However, if I don’t have any expectations for whatever I’m doing, I can relax a little. This is more of an overall life strategy, but it can work well with other parents. If I do not expect anyone to interact with me in any specific way, if I don’t expect to feel like a weirdo while doing my own thing, if I don’t expect any event to be great or terrible, it’s easier to find moments where I can be present.

Recently, I was sitting on a bench, listening to a podcast, watching my son play at the park. Another mom came up and sat next to me, commenting that sitting quietly seemed like a good idea. So that’s what we did — we sat peacefully together, without awkwardness or expectation, simply watching our kids play. Sometimes it’s enough just to show up.

So I will. I will show up when it’s important for my kids, and I will continue to challenge myself to find my place among other parents. Sometimes it will be scary, but sometimes it might be pretty good. Most often, I imagine, it will fall somewhere in the middle. And that in itself is a valuable message for my kids: In our family, we try hard, we do things that scare us, and even when the results are average at best, we should still feel okay about it.

Reference: Sara Watkins from Introvertdear